Sharing love, I can say, is probably the most valuable and unforgettable experience a person can ever have; and there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. There is the difference between a love that is wild and short-lived and love that is tender, passionate, and lasting. It is like saying that the first is easy while the second is the one that really matters to us all. It takes work, it is all about keeping the relationship.

It is also a proven principle that loving someone takes effort. We have to be able to communicate with each other. We will always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. It is not impossible that maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense our love’s thoughts but it is never perfect and it takes time to develop the relationship. The most important thing is in the world of undeniable love is the respect for each other’s individuality as unique and imperfect people.

It is only true love that closes the gap of imperfections to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love really sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love that makes a person change for the better.

It is the power of true love that is undeniable. It is always an absolute idea that a relationship needs commitment too. Let me ask you, what is love with out commitment from each other? It is a very complicated matter of understanding a relationship. It is alike principles and values. Everyone should have them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.

Love is like an antique vase. It’s hard to find, hard to get, yet easy to break. We must see love everyday and everywhere because people fall in love. But let us also expect that these relationships are self sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love.

Happy loving…

By: Dr. Sarah Hatcher

Here are some ways to breathe some oxygen onto the embers, and spark up some flames again…

Let it go. Forgive, forget, and move forward. While some things may require a touch more forgiveness and more time to forget, you still need to be put it where it belongs, in the past. Stop bringing up all the mistakes, stop making excuses to not love the one your with! The flaws do not make the man or the woman, they are just flaws, plain and simple.

When you take vows of commitment, you promise ‘for better or for worse’, right? So, take the bad with the good, take each day as it comes, and stop living as if yesterday will never end. Remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Take yourself back in time to the first time you laid eyes on each other. Recall that fluttery, tickly feeling you got in the pit of your stomach? What about his presence made you feel that way? What about her eyes made you blush? Hear the sound of their voice the first time they spoke to you. Remember the way he held your hand. Remember the first time you heard her laughter. Stop remembering all the bad things, and start focusing on all the things that drew you together.

Dig out the memories, if you’re having trouble remembering on your own. Pull out the wedding albums, and the scrapbooks filled with all of the memorabilia that you’ve collected over the years. The Valentine cards, the concert stubs, the bar napkins, the Do Not Disturb signs. Let it all sink back in.

How long has it been since you went away together, alone with no distractions, no kids, no time limits, no curfews? Take a road trip, don’t even plan, just drive. Talk. Turn the radio down, and just talk again. Doesn’t have to be serious or heartfelt, just converse. Get to know each other again. Start asking the questions you should have been asking all along. Rediscover what you’ve taken for granted.

Choose to be in love. Take back the way that first being in love made you feel. Stop giving in to the temptation of holding grudges, and let go the urge to wallow in resentment. There are myriad reasons why you chose to spend the rest of your life with this person, and those characteristics are still there. All you have to do is dust off the negative crap and look at the big picture. What could you be doing if you weren’t spending all your time picking petty arguments and complaining? Could you be demonstrating your love? Could you be making your partner feel like the special and significant person they really are to you?

When is the last time you bought your beloved something, just because? Do you even know anymore what it is they like? What kind of music they want to hear? What they want to read? If not, make like a sleuth and figure it out! Surprise them with a random gift. Pamper him with a bubble bath and a massage. Cook her dinner and drink a bottle of wine together. Maybe it’ll be awkward, but wasn’t it that way to begin with? Pretend as though you’ve just started dating, if it helps. See your loved one in a new light.

by Dr. Sarah Hatcher

Today’s women have achieved more than their great grandmothers could have ever imagined. Women are in politics, women are in space; women are excelling in every career imaginable. Women today are strong, independent and sexually liberated; Gloria Steinem would be proud.

Despite the females social evolution, however, you may be surprised to learn that women actually still enjoy being treated like women, and they still appreciate a little chivalry now and then. Cliché as some of these tips sound, they will score you big points with any lady who enjoys being treated well. A man that wants to be in love will seek to learn his woman, how she thinks, what makes her tick, what she wants, and how to satisfy her.

While there has been some success among the male persuasion in identifying what women want from men, there are still a significant amount of men who are at a total loss on just what they are supposed to do. If falling in love and being in a meaningful relationship is high on your priority list, gentlemen, then please keep reading.

Women want…

1.) Men who really listen. What we really want from people we love is focused attention. We want to look into your eyes, and see that all of you is really there, and there is no other place you would rather be. This shows us that we are up there on your mental priority list and that you value our thoughts. When it comes to what women want from men, the little things really do matter. The items on this list aren’t particularly difficult or time-consuming, but they are, unfortunately, very often overlooked by men. This often leads a woman to feel neglected, which in turn leads to nagging and other problems. Make her feel special, and she’ll go to the ends of the earth for you; try one of these suggestions, and she’ll feel like you’ve already gone there and back for her.

2.) Men who are realists. They believe that it will take work and that it will be hard. Love is work; it isn’t leisure. They don’t buy into an easy, pain-free “happily ever after.” It shows us that you are in it with earthly expectations and that you are not just in love with the high of being in love. It shows us that you are willing to work at love and that hard times will not make you hardened.

3.) Men who are persistent. Unless she is completely turned off by the sight of you from the initial meeting, she will warm up to your persistence. You can tell if an initial “no” really means “keep trying” if she is unable to hide some form of a smile or smirk. It shows us that you are not easily discouraged, that you are willing to work hard for what you want, that you are ambitious, and most importantly, that you really want us.

4.) Men who only have eyes for one woman. I know guys usually face rejection and move on to the next girl with ease, and a lot of guys can like several girls simultaneously. Women don’t want to believe this. I guess the least you can do is make us feel like we are it. Don’t flaunt your other pursuits. It shows us that you are loyal, and that you see something in us that is different from all the other women.

5.) Men who are willing to makes fools of themselves to show how much they want to be with you. Ah, the power of the public grand gesture. It reminds us just how brave and courageous you are, willing to take risks and possible/likely rejection.

6.) Men who keep their promises regardless of circumstances. It shows us that you have integrity….which brings me to the next…

7.) Men who do the loving thing even when it hurts. This shows us that your hopes aren’t easily shattered, and even after it all, you are not bitter. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.

8.) Men who esteem themselves not because of worldly accomplishments but in the accomplishment of loving another deeply. This shows us that loving others is your greatest priority. That kind of man is hard to find…or is he?

9.) Men who would tell the truth, risk hurting our feelings, and fight with us rather than withdraw and brush issues under the rug to preserve peace. It shows us that you care enough about saving the authenticity of the relationship to speak out. It shows that you are not indifferent. It shows that you are a man and not a doormat.

10.) Men who maintain an interest level. We want to believe that it is natural to want forever, to want commitment because it’s with us. Many women gauge a man’s interest level by how long it takes him to respond when she contacts him. If his response time is poor, she might assume he’s just not that into her. Now, it’s no secret that women and men have differing opinions on what constitutes good communication, and I’m not saying you need to drop everything the minute she calls. She knows you’re a busy man; she’s busy too. What women want from men is a call back as soon as they’re able, as opposed to sometime the following day. This doesn’t mean you have to send an e-mail or a text of epic proportions if you don’t have time; a sentence or two will suffice to make her feel like you care which is ALL she really wants to know.

So as they say gentlemen….Man up! Here’s a cheat sheet. Thank me later….

Top 21 Ways To Make A Woman Fall In Love With You

1.Call her the next day.

2. Always laugh at her jokes.

3. Tell her (truthfully) that you can’t wait to see her again.

4. Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in return.

5. Call her just to say you were thinking about her.

6. Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when she’s sick.

7. Write her a poem.

8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).

9. Bring her flowers for no reason.

10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.

11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet.

12. Kiss her in the middle of a sentence.

13. Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look up at the stars.

14. Tell her something about you that no one else knows.

15. Remind her that you still think she’s beautiful.

16. Take a bubble bath together.

17. Watch a sappy movie with her.

18. Surprise her with a candle light dinner.

19. Never stop trying to impress her.

20. Tell her you love her

21. Never forget how much she means to you.

by Dr. Sarah Hatcher

If you’re like most women, you sometimes wish for a guide map to being in love. Impossible to live with or without, men are often almost incomprehensible to women, particularly when it comes to relationships. We are often told that chivalry is dead and that love and romance are nothing but pipe dreams. On the other hand, we hear that some men are incapable of dealing with strong modern women and that they wish we would simply go back to being helpless and dependent. These conflicting messages make it difficult to determine if falling in love is actually possible.
Compounding this confusion is the fact that dating in the modern world is anything but cut and dry. At one time, it was expected that couples were simply dating or not dating. Relationships followed a linear path from one date to many dates to “dating.” Dating implied exclusivity and monogamy. Now we toss around terms like “hooking up” and “friends with benefits” and earnestly discuss the benefits of polygamy.

In this type of confused environment, it is easy to wonder how anyone ever manages to create a successful relationship. You may start to feel like you need a road map. These feelings of frustration are quite normal and understandable. It is impossible to guarantee that any particular relationship will work out in the way that you want. Nonetheless, the following tried and true guidelines will give you the best chance for turning a new relationship into the one you want. .

1. Maintain your independence. This cannot be stressed enough. Early in a relationship, your hormones and biochemical responses will go crazy. No matter how smart and independent you normally are, this physiological mechanism will compel you to begin spending all of your time with your new love. You will think about him constantly and feel the urge to withdraw from everything else in your life in order to focus on him. While these feelings are normal and primal, acting on them is not smart. Men are hard-wired differently than women, and your drawing too close too soon may make him feel trapped. You do not want to jeopardize the relationship by appearing clingy or dependent. Continue your normal activities, including spending time with your friends, going to the gym, or whatever you did before you met him.

2. Make him feel important. While no man wants you to appear needy or desperate, no man wants to feel that he doesn’t matter at all. When you are with him, turn off your cell phone. Be on time for dates. Return his calls within a reasonable amount of time. Remember things that you talked about on one date and ask follow-up questions on the next date. Following a few simple courtesies will allow you to express his importance in your life.

3. Be intriguing. He would not have asked you out in the first place if he didn’t find you fascinating. Yet a woman’s instinct is often to share too much too soon. It ‘s normal to want to bring a new love into your confidence. However, if the relationship becomes long term, you will have the rest of your life to deal with the not-so-sexy realities of life. In the beginning, maintain a certain aura of mystery by not telling him every little thing about you and your daily life. Don’t lie, of course, but don’t give in to the urge to bare your soul about anything and everything.

4. Take care of yourself. The woman that your man met is the same woman that he wants to keep. Thinking that you can let yourself slide because your man “isn’t going anywhere” is your first class ticket to being alone. You must keep your man wanting and desiring only you.

5. Take your time with physical intimacy. Remember the “bases” in middle school? There is a reason those bases were carefully defined. Letting the physical side of your relationship develop gradually over time accomplishes a number of goals. It allows you to focus on getting to know each other in nonsexual ways. It allows you to build trust before intimacy. It also allows the two of you to get to know each other’s bodies slowly.

6. Discuss your individual futures. A discussion about your futures shouldn’t be a relationship discussion. Rather, take the time to learn what each of you truly wants as an individual. Too often, we begin relationships that are doomed to fail simply because each partner wants something very different out of life. This can lead to resentment and bitterness as compromises are forced. If you both know what each partner wants from the beginning, you have a much better chance of developing a relationship that truly works with both partners’ life goals.

7. Don’t make assumptions. Never assume that the relationship is exclusive unless it has been directly stated. Do not assume without asking that your partner will be available to escort you to an event. Do not drop in on him at work or stop by his house without asking in advance. Even if he gives you a key to his place, at the beginning it is polite to let him know that you plan to come by. Doing otherwise is rude and sends the signal that you are unconcerned about his plans.

8. Get to know him. So often, we are too busy making sure we are witty and beautiful and interesting that we forget that our partner is also a complex human being. You don’t have to memorize a list, but become familiar with his likes and dislikes, his moods and his fears. Knowing your partner as a whole complicated individual will allow you to deal with his downside from a place of understanding. This will shine through the entire relationship.

9. Suggest creative and action-oriented dates. While you don’t want to move from girlfriend material to activity partner, many men are used to being active and have trouble spending hours just sitting and talking. Create bonding opportunities by teaching him to dance or having him teach you rock climbing. Whatever the specific activities are, those shared moments will draw the two of you closer together.

10. Be yourself. This is the most important of all. Down the road, if you have made him fall in love with an illusion, he will be understandably angry and disappointed. Let him know who you are from the beginning and never apologize for being yourself. He will respect you much more for being honest.

Obviously, there is no guarantee that this will work in every situation. Sometimes a guy simply is not interested in you. In those cases, you should be able to gracefully withdraw and move on. If the initial interest is there, then I wish you the best of luck in taking your relationship to the next level…

An average Joe meets the perfect woman, but his lack of confidence and the influence of his friends and family begin to pick away at the relationship.

I always hear women say that men aint shit. Yet, the vast majority of these women probably should have never have spoken to these men that they say aint shit. The signs no matter how much smoke the gentleman generates to throw them off of their true character are still present. It would seem that the lady decides to continue until they are “Sleeping with a broken heart”. Then there are those women who are with a dude and that guy seems to be able to do everything short of having sex on ustream and the woman keeps taking him back. I just want to know.. like seriously why do they stay?

Ladies if you meet a dude and he has girl that you know of annnnnnd he does things with you that if you were his girl would upset you why do you think that you are “THE ONE”? I honestly think that all dudes who are in relationships and seek to date others are not “bad guys” That guy should take steps to ensure that you know his situation and he shouldnt do things with you that he would do with his girl friend. If you and him feel a connection before any single dates, sexual innendos and/or actual sex takes place he needs to break up with his current boo. Even then you shouldnt give him the privelge of your company out right. Date like normal people and see what develops. The difference between a guy who does this and a guy who doesnt are a couple of things that are important to all relationships; honesty, communication and respect. So respect yourself and make sure he respects your mind and body.

I know a few females who shall remain nameless who have been in on and off relationships for years and are either simply comfortable, scared of being alone and/or brainwashed. I want you do a test, (not responsible if you break something) go in your closet and flick the switch on and off on the light in your closet. I bet that bulb burns out after a while. The same thing probably happens to your heart with the constant flipping of that relationship switch. Everyone makes mistakes, but only someone who doesnt care makes the same mistakes over and over again. In the NBA you get a certain amount of fouls before you are kicked out of the game and some fouls are so bad players can be kicked out for just one. Once a player gets close to fouling out the coach benches the player to give them time to get their head back in the game. So has your guy committed a foul, been benched and then allowed back on the court only to foul out of the game shortly after returning? Why keep this player on your team and not pick up better player during the off season? WHY STAY?

Whether you women realize it or not, you control the entire relationship from start to finish. You set yourself up for either success or failure. When you decided to either start something new or continue something that is bad look it will work something like this.. Your relationship is a seed and if you either plant that seed in poisonous ground and/or allow any old pesticides to be used I doubt that that plant will last long or be healthy if it grows. However if you plant that seed and work healthy soil that seed has the potential to grow into one of those big ass California Red woods.

If i didnt pay rent for my apartment, I couldnt stay right? So if he aint paying your emotional, intellectual, spiritual (if you are spiritual) and physical invoices….. HOW CAN YOU STAY?

Awwww, you think she interested and the feelings are mutual from you. One or more issues make simply dating like normal people impossible. (She may have a boo whom is not treating her right and/or others are perusing her at the same time.) This may take a lot of effort on your part, so make sure she is worth the amount of energy that you will expend during the chase. First of all, the amount of money you spend is not as important as how you spend  whatever money you decide to spend. Spend Wisely. Wiley Coyote maxed out his credit cards buying Acme products trying catch that Road Runner and we all know that ended right. , You cant worry about what your friends will say because they asses probably single too. The effort needed to successfully catch her will probably at worst get you teased.

Now that the basics are out the way lets move on to the next phase of ensnaring your prey. (Im going say this again for the slow people. This will only work if she has some interest in you. If you want to learn to seduce someone, may I suggest Robert Greene’s book The Art of Seduction.)

Converse with her to discover things that you two may have in common and develop a friendship. Be careful that you arent too friendly because you may get stuck in that box. The friendship box isnt a bad thing, it just ends your chase.  After you two have become friends start trying to hang out one on one in more romantic settings. If she accepts your invitation then you have a chance, if she declines you may have been placed in the friend box. Stop here.

Communication is key. Just like those kids in school who thought were too cool and are now doing nothing life, if you do the same as them in the communication department… well.  You are not in the “Why U” phrase. She is making case to further things, cut you lose or put you in that friend box. So you have to make you case to her. A text message, email, tweet, phone call or something that lets her know you are on her mind will go a long way here. DO NOT DO ALL OF THE ABOVE EVERYDAY…you dont want to her to drop you right? If she notices enjoys, looks forward too and/or notices when you dont hit her proceed. If she is indifferent you are probably in the friend box. Stop here.

The little things matter. If you truly care you will remember important dates and events in her life. Acknowledging these milestones before others will go a long way in her mind. Its easy to remember something that you both want to do or enjoy.. its is another thing all together to remember something  may only be important to her. Failure to remember these little details, esp. if she likes you, will get you dropped or have you placed on that dreaded friend box. You are almost there be careful to remember the previous two paragraphs, they all work together.

By now you should either know if its going to work or not. You should start seeing signs that things are turning in your favor. If you do not see things coming together, if she is worth it keep trying. If she has told you that she can see you two only as friends and are comfortable settling and/or you feel the same way…. STOP HERE.

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Disclaimer: Just to clear up any misunderstandings. Im putting in my effort because I want too. You know who you are. That is all.

Enjoy

Yeah Buddy

Seriously you shouldnt need a Hallmark Holiday to show that special someone in your life that you care. If the success of your gift depends on how much you have to spend then you need to reconsider… read some literature. Here is a test, everything that she likes find the cheapest way to get it and see how it goes over. If she realizes that you remembered all her favorite things than she is a keeper. If she is upset over the quality of the gifts than you may need to find somebody else.

In closing whatever you do decide to do have fun, be safe and use protection.

PS. I need a  Valentine. Valentine’s day is  groupie/bopper free time… so only real women need inquire. Want to know if you a real woman? Simple math Add up your number of sexual partners in the last year and then subtract the number of relationships you were in during those past months. If the difference is equal to three(3) or less… hit me. If That 1st number is greater than 6, go Away. You either or a freak or you fall in love to easy.